Anger, Grief, and the Call to Heal: How Losing My Daughter Led Me to Find My True Purpose

In 2013, my world shattered. The loss of my daughter was not just a tragedy—it was a spiritual earthquake that cracked open everything I thought I knew about life. At 35 weeks pregnant I went into a routine appointment-just 2 days after given a healthy ultrasound report -for my OB to tell me there was no longer a heartbeat. The world as I knew it suddenly ceased to exist. I stopped hyperventilating long enough to hand them my phone and they were able to reach my mother and fiance.

I was then guided to check in to the maternity ward for my labor of love delivery. I labored for over 24 hours with no progression to attempt to deliever her naturally. My mind , body and soul were weak, numb from the pain and disillusioned by it all. I felt the earth just fall away from me as I finally pleaded for a c-section. I could bare the pain no more.My plea was granted. leaving a maternity ward with empty arms was beyond devistating, returning home to a fullly prepared nursery quickly sobered me into my new harsh reality. How could I possibly go on. I already had a 3 yeaf old daughter at home I needed to be strong for. My soul was ripped out , my heart shattered and my world set on fire. I could not understand any of this. I was swallowed whole by grief, questioning everything I had believed in, including God. How could this happen to me? How could a higher power allow such pain? My anger toward God was raw and unrelenting. I didn’t understand why my daughter was taken, and I didn’t know how to navigate a world that felt so empty without her. unfortunatly grief doesn’t come with a one size fits all manual. There are no guides on how to walk through life after experiencing this kind of loss. And honestly, no amount of preparation can make you ready to cope with such a profound absence. I was angry. Furious, actually. Angry at life, angry at the universe, and definitely angry at God. How could this happen? Why did this happen? no one could prepared me for the void that would follow.

I wasn’t prepared for the depth of grief that followed. It wasn’t just sadness—it was an all-encompassing force that consumed me at my core. I felt as though I was drowning in a sea of confusion, loss, and anger. My heart was broken, but my mind was even more chaotic, questioning everything I had once held dear.I couldn’t escape it. My mind was consumed by the endless questions, the endless pain. How was I supposed to go on? Why should I go on? The anger and confusion overwhelmed me. And let’s be real—“She’s in a better place,” was not something I could stomach. In fact if you have ever heard someone tell you this it is the opposite of comfortenting when you are dealing with such raw emotion.  I wanted answers, but none were coming. I wanted relief, but the pain felt infinite.

I found myself yelling at the sky, asking God why this was happening. I didn’t get the answers I was searching for—at least not in the way I expected. In those dark moments, I couldn’t find peace. I was angry, confused, and lost. The grief was heavy, like a weight on my chest that I couldn’t shake. I didn’t know how to heal, and the thought of moving forward seemed impossible.

Somewhere in the midst of this crushing grief, I realized something: I had to do something different. If not for me for my 3 year old at home who absolutely needed me. I didn’t have the answers I was looking for, but I knew I couldn’t keep spiraling in anger and confusion. I had to find a way to move through it. That’s when I began to seek out answers beyond my grief. I started reading books—anything I could find to help me understand the soul, life, death, and what comes after. And one day, I stumbled upon the book Embraced by the Light.

That book, though it wasn’t the magic cure for my pain, did something profound for me. It gave me a glimpse into the world beyond the physical, beyond the grief. It offered comfort in knowing that life doesn’t end here, that there’s something beyond the veil of this world. It gave me the hope to keep moving, even when the road ahead felt impossibly and endlessly  long.

But books alone wouldn’t heal me. I knew I had to do something more—something that would help me transform this pain into a source of power and peace. That’s when I found energy work.

That was when I began my spiritual journey. I found a mentor through the magic of the internet. I started to really understand these concepts as I could feel them awaken something deep within me. I dove deep into working on myself. I grabbed ahold of anything I could working my way slowly through soul defining and refing shadow work, sacred attunements, activations and light codes. I dug deep into beliefs, values and my ancestral histroy. I began to question everything in a new profound and enlightening way. I began to see some glimmer of hope for me yet. Could I possibly experience joy again? It took years to behonest but I started to heal in ways I hadn’t thought possible. Slowly, I began to piece together a new relationship with life, death, and the universe. It wasn’t easy, but every step I took led me closer to my soul’s true purpose.

Along this path, I discovered Reiki and ThetaHealing—both of which would become the tools that helped me rebuild my life. ThetaHealing, in particular, allowed me to tap into a deep awareness of my beliefs and thoughts, and how they were influencing my reality. I reprogrammed the beliefs that had kept me trapped in grief and anger, allowing myself to connect to the divine, to my soul and to the truth of it all.  Through this connection, I began to find the peace that had once seemed so elusive.

With Reiki, I learned how to realign my energy and open myself up to the flow of universal love. It wasn’t about “fixing” myself; it was about remembering who I truly was—a divine being, deserving of healing, love, and purpose.

Now, I stand before you, not as a woman broken by grief, but as someone who has embraced the light that came from the darkness. I found my true calling, and in doing so, I began to teach others how to trust their intuition, how to heal, and how to live a life aligned with their soul’s true purpose.

My journey has led me here, and it’s led me to you, reading this now. If you feel that pull deep in your heart, that whisper of something greater calling you—don’t ignore it. Answer the call. It’s time to step into your full radiance, to reconnect with your soul, and to trust the healing power that resides within you.

If you’re struggling with your own grief, loss, or anger, know that you’re not alone. You don’t have to walk this path in isolation. I’m here to guide you, to help you rediscover your inner healer, and to show you how to connect with your divine self. Together, we’ll journey through the darkness and into the light.